Issue 13: January 2007

Simon Barraclough | Dean K Farrow | Valerie Josephs | John Stiles | Tim Wells | Dean Wilson

TIM WELLS

A Ruffer Version

That time in Efes, when the killer strolled in, I'm sure Mehmet saw it coming 'cos he blanched, and his eyes moved from the door to the barman, then finally to the man. The gunman walked behind him, as he sat leaning back in his chair, pulled slightly back and popped him in the head.
          I'd thought a skull would burst from a shot, but it was quite the opposite. As Umit said, "There never was much in that head of his."
          No explosion, no fountain, no split peach. Just a brief spray of blood. I remember the claret splashing the ear of a girl at the next table. Just that effusive spurt and then a dribble. He slowly leant to one side and settled. I've slept drunk at that self-same table many a time and looked deader.
          The quiet was disturbing. Everyone's Thursday night after-hours teetering on a chasm of murder, police and questions, questions, questions.
          The assassin held the gun at his side, gave an embarrassed smile and said, "Sorry. So sorry, everybody." With that, he calmly walked the length of the bar, around the side of the pool tables, and was gone into the night.
          His calm lingered in the room for a few moments. It was only when a chap knocked over a glass as he fumbled for a drink that the first scream erupted.

Anyway,
as I told the Old Bill,
I was in the toilet when it happened.

 

Bukkake Ruined My Carpet

I buy my papers and periodicals at the 'porn free newsagent'.
He also runs a couple of marathons a year. I do not believe this absence of jazz mags and his exuberance of energy are connected.
My regular top shelf purchases are therefore Fortean Times and Viz.
It's not that I'm a Middle Englander… I've spent most of my life on the edges. I cannot abide spending my money when I know what the ending will be.
Now 'tis true I'm a big fan of Kung Fu films and, as in porn, there is much in doing the job well. Living in the moment is important to both. Kung Fu films all have the same story; 'Revenge!' although often with added RRRRs for emphasis.
Good does not always triumph over evil, even on the Shaw Brothers' set. But when it does; it is more satisfying than some Lancashire lads wet slapped all over some Chelmsford office girl's boat.

 

London in Peace

The sunshine slaps my shadow across Hanbury Street.
There's a skip to my step as the latest old song
Grabs me by the ears and snogs me hard
And London is in loooooove.
The slivers strewn and the sick spewn
Are testament to every rampant lust
That bowl around Hawksmoor's towering prick.
We can touch the sky for but a moment
Before we smack back to the earth of this succulent city.
On the 25, the dippers fleece the crush,
At Shadwell, a knife finds a home.
The art students make neither art nor study.
The phungas do as much nothing as they can.
Today I will say hello in any one of five languages.
I will be cursed in English. I will be blessed by G-d.
The girl who sits with me in the office
Took the hijab after the last bomb.
She knows now that any moment might be final.
The rumble didn't reach the Vibe Bar.
Who knows when the records will scratch
For the last drink, the last dance,
The last kiss, the last night,
Th

 

Silver Dagger

She took a blade
and carefully shaped the powder
'til,
in 5 looping lines,
it spelt her name;
each letter
three inches high,
hopeless white,
and sure of itself.

Across town
I was writing my name in the snow;
my handiwork
was neither as neat,
nor as measured.

 

When Trousers Give Up the Ghost

One hopes they'll go quietly at home.
You hold them, remember times shared.
A sigh, a moment of introspection,
A strong cuppa, a snifter
Then back to getting on with it.
Suddenly is worst:
The desperation, Stewart Granger
Scrabbling and sinking into quicksand.
The spreading stain in the back of the cab
Reads: this heist did not go well.
Rent violently on the High Street -
Shouting your name,
Baring your soul for all the world to see.